Welcome aboard ladies and gentlemen, and people who don’t know which they are, this is your Captain speaking.
While onboard the aircraft today please wear a mask over your nose and mouth, even if you haven’t been doing so all day in your interactions with humanity up through the moment you walked through the front door of the airport.
Wearing your face mask is critical, even though half the airport employees, TSA staff, airport restaurant workers, customs officials, and passengers you interacted with today in the airport today prior to your flight wore them mostly on their chins — and while everyone was totally ignoring those stickers on the airport floor telling everyone to stay 6 feet apart while waiting to get through the security check line.
We also kindly ask you to wear your face covering on today’s flight even if it’s made of underwear material, crocheted, bedazzled, has your favorite football team’s logo sublimated on it, or any other super loose fitting, non-N95 mask that allows microscopic virus particles to pass through the fabric.
We also ask you to keep that mask on even though you have tested negative for Covid-19, and even if you have been vaccinated.
We ask you to do this because science tells us that people who don’t have Covid-19 can infect other people who also don’t have Covid.
Likewise because the mRNA injections are so effective, we know those of you who have been injected with the mRNA shots would hate to catch Covid-19 from all the other people on the plane that also tested negative for Covid-19 . That would be terrible.
In fact, seeing as this is an international flight today, in order to have even boarded this plane, each of you had to take a rapid antigen test within the past 24 hours to prove you were negative for Covid-19.
So, all this to say that even though every single one of us on this aircraft is negative for Covid-19, AND many or most of you are also vaccinated AND boosted, AND the survival rate on the whole shebang is 99 point something percent, your wearing a mask on today’s flight has nothing…